an eye for the blind.

a new day begins; whether he is weary, whether he is exhausted.

but that doesn’t  depress; not as much as those he hold dear.

those who know what hurts; those who know what’s going on.

those who choose to self-indulge; those who choose to abandon.

it gets harder to let go; it gets tougher to stand up.

and where dusting off and moving on are not in the choices to begin with.

the burden gets heavier, the walk gets longer, gets further than where he started off.

and the destination; nowhere in plain sight.

does he choose to retaliate; should he decide to suffer in silence;

will they hear his voice, his call; will they mourn at his funeral;

the questions we ask when we seek to question and expect an answer,

these questions are harsh, cold, but real and unavoidable.

and more often than not, they never get answered.

we either fear the answers, or fear the answers.

we aren’t a victorian family. we’re just a victorian association.

all these bull on merger and co-ed and 6-year programmes and parting of the ways; at the end of the day, we’re concerned with profit, we’re concerned with results, we’re concerned with competition. this victorian culture just happened to be a great invisibility cloak that came along.

and when it’s blown away, their true colours unveil themselves and we’re nothing more but a family of hypocrites. yeah that’s the only sense of family we could ever share. we don’t care for victoria, no, who cares really? we want to continue being near the top of junior colleges, cos that’d benefit us.

we don’t care about her because she’s just something some ancient and dead person came up with. we don’t need her around anymore. we’ve reaped our harvest, we’re leaving. we love to cross the river and break the bridge, if that’s how you like to call it.

i’m not we.

The Life Path 8 suggests that you entered this plane armed to lead, direct, organize and govern. You are very ambitious and goal-oriented. You will want to use your ambitions, your organizational ability, and your efficient approach to carve a satisfying niche for yourself. If you are a positive 8 you are endowed with tremendous potential for conceiving far-reaching schemes and ideas, and also possessing the tenacity and independence to follow them through to completion. In short, you were born to be an executive.

You know how to manage yourself and your environment. Your ability to judge the character and potential of the people around you is an asset used to your advantage. A large part of your success in life comes from how hard you work. This Life Path is the most prone to producing workaholics. But your ability to spot good people and engage them in your endeavors is a special trait not to be overlooked. There is an inspirational quality in your makeup which allows you to become a great leader. You are practical and steady in your pursuit of major objectives, and you have the courage of your convictions when it comes to taking the necessary chances to get ahead.

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– Suave and compromising
– Careful, cautious and organised 
– Likes to point out people´s mistakes 
– Likes to criticize
– Quiet but able to talk well 
– Calm and cool 
– Kind and sympathetic 
– Concerned and detailed
– Trustworthy, loyal and honest 
– Does work well 
– Sensitive 
– Thinking 
– Good memory 
– Clever and knowledgeable 
– Loves to look for information 

(I shan’t bold the entire thing.)

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You are an independent type and love your freedom. You are very intellectual, but be careful not to fall into the trap of worrying too much. You can be very self critical, and occasionally too judgmental of others.

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Below are the explanation of Destiny Number 7:

The number 7 Destiny suggests that the direction of growth in your lifetime will be toward thought, analysis, and the development of a mind skilled at searching out the truth. You must become accomplished at analyzing, judging and discriminating, so that little escapes your observation and deep understanding. In this you will become increasingly introspective, and value seclusiveness and solitude.

You are the type of person that can really get involved in a search for wisdom or hidden truths, and you must become an authority on whatever it is your are focusing on. This can easily be of a technical or scientific nature, or it may be religious or occult, it matters very little, you pursue knowledge with the same sort of vigor. You can make a very fine teacher, or because of a natural inclination toward the spiritual, you may become deeply emerged in religious affairs or even psychic explorations. You have excellent capabilities to study and learn really deep and difficult subjects, and to search for hidden fundamentals.

i need a new social circle, a new social life, away from all that’s past, away from what i’m having now. albeit the awkwardness of this moment in time. a new circle, keep the ones that matter, throw out the ones that don’t. if they can’t stay with you, be magnanimous and sane and carefree to let them leave. focus on finding the lifetimes, not the seasons, not the reasons. don’t get lost in the search either, don’t get muddled by those who try but never succeed in being the lifetimes. ive found some, and i’m sure those are ones i’m keeping for life.

id take all the blame, all if there’s any. im not the old moderately ego act know it all anymore. the best lesson ive ever had is the lesson on humility. though i never aced it or had good results when i practised it, i can’t forget it. chill and be cool about it, all the pain and stress and tears. seek out the joy left in life, squeeze out every ounce of happiness anyone can muster. even if no one’s gonna care, that doesnt give me enough reason not to as well. be different, be yourself, be true. don’t let the unworthies get you down, don’t let the negativity slow you somemore. you know where you’re headed, pick up the pace and start dashing like you never did.

estee reminded me of this coolios group i had in my msn list. i named it ‘chatterbox’ and she started laughing god knows why over it. but inside i stored some of the best friends i ever had, some of the friends id always keep. the group gets updated once in a while, but some inside are simply everlasting. im gonna update it now before sharing.

iggy, kenneth, charlton, elton, chunyong, han ren, wengkeong, changda, leongying, ziyad, weijian, bih yau, junrong, estee.

there ya have it. it lacks the vj factor now, but maybe in a year’s time the list would get bigger. i don’t know. haha. there’re so many things i wanna get done this year i suddenly realised, many involving the people in the list mentioned above.

kbox and ikea with estee chua the dinosaur. head back to explore vs with yu changda. mug more at random spots around marine parade and east coast with kok weng keong and the addictive tap tap. cook at elton quek’s house. have a blast at orientation prep with charlton tan and the other ogls. gossip about people with leong ying during arts lectures. meet up with the junior four. find more chances to hang out with iggy ho and lim han ren. msn online with kenneth tay while mugging our asses off. too many things, but they aren’t that hard are they.

and this is the news ive been keeping but i told kenneth wengkeong and changda and ziyad. i got the ong chit chung leadership award for vs speech day, and something tells me that maybe i shouldn’t hold it in that high regard i had back in sec 3 when it was still astar award before it was renamed. the direct predecessor hadn’t been exactly the role model to look up to, and having awesome earlier recipients like calvin han doesn’t help either. i don’t know if i should be happy or sad, but i must smile for the camera musn’t i.

this has been one of my best and favourite posts ever even though its not typed in proper formats and all and its how i typed when i first started out and maybe its the indirect cause of my inspiration. there’s math tomorrow and im not exactly giving shit about it since i know id fail without trying. but then there’s cse which i shall intensely mug for since its my best shot at an ‘a’ or a ‘b’.

now i recall all the people ive been inspired by and they remain rather amazing in my view. some may have huge egos but they’re awesome people if you ever got to know them. i wanna get genuine applause when i receive that award on the eighteen of july. true affirmation. though i think that’s a lot to ask for, i still wish. its dreams that take the first step to make people big after all.

yes that’s all i shall end off nicely and prolly end this up on facebook as well for the awesome people in it who don’t read my blog. xD

Woosh. And we move on.

It’s not the issue of being sentimental, or being stuck in the past. It’s the issue of making choices. Making them, and sticking through. For no respect is given to those who contemplate, or those who can’t decide. They just get abandoned, lost, forgotten.

Snap. Just like that.

I liked the old times when my muses literally pranced round the study room, the bus compartment, the walls of my head. Now they seem to have left, not for long, but nowhere near done yet. And without them I can only turn to books, paper, pen, and hours of brain-wrecking.

And googling for geography content because the school style just ain’t my style. I’m sure I’d spend the rest of my geog periods stoning and just getting the content I need online. After all, the net’s for all to exploit. And maybe as the pressure sets in I’m more motivated/obliged to study, even though not always but still. Try not to let this be the case the next time round huh.

Yeah, try.